what holds me back?

Since my early 20s I was thinking about leaving the country. I don’t remember exactly the reasons, and I don’t think they resemble the ones I have now. Anyway, the plan was “wunderbar”: I would enter Europe via Portugal. After 5 years there I’d get the Portuguese citizenship and then could discover what the other European countries had for me. But then that ship sailed and I got a job and the dream went to a
dormant state.

Back to 2003, when a telecom institute working closely to a
phone/telecom network infrastructure company hired me, I saw the dream coming true (closer to becoming real actually). The idea was getting into the company that supported that institute and then finding a spot abroad. Once hired, I looked at the internal job market many many times, but never applied to any position. What held me was the thought that the absence of a diploma (at that time – 2005 – that was still true) would be a no-no and then I did little to help myself in this sense.

Later I managed to graduate myself and the pattern stayed the same: check job market, find something interesting, get in touch with position owner, let it pass…

And a few weeks later, after talking to my mom about the subject, she reminded me of a fact that can be also true abroad: “you’re in your late 30’s and the market will start to not hire you due to your age.” This is kinda true here. Just don’t know if it’s the same elsewhere.

So.. What held me back? What am I fearing? I have excuses to these questions, not properly answers. And then came this friend, with the assertion that prior to the move one should have determined where to go first. Will he be right? Or is this just another point of view?

So.. in summary: what pushes me (as I read in one of your posts) is the lack of faith in the way politicians work, the really high cost of living, the absurd prices and overtaxation of things, high interest rates, high crime/violence numbers (and the fact that I was close to become statistics), overly sensitive economy (any minor bump abroad turns into a disaster), the lack of education of the people, little or absent collective consciousness, among others.

Well.. I know that no matter the place I choose to go I will face problems like the ones I wrote above. *But* at some extent they will be way less aggravated or less intense than here – depending on where I choose, obviously.


About rennrad

It's all about two wheels, being them bicycles or motorcycles.
This entry was posted in journal, remarks, travels and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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